laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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