I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
