I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
