This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize