i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
