I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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