did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
