Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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