I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
