About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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