I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
