We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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