i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
