There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
