Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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