her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
