roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
