im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I need moral support for this bender
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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