Fuck appropriateness.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
