smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
