He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
True college students do jello shots in the library
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
