"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
i need some magic done to my vagina
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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