ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
