i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
