oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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