Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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