just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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