I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
