i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
