i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
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