And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
