I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
