My friends, they love my intelligence
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
