Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
