It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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