Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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