Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Welp...herpes.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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