I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
