My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
