I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
