Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
