I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Randomize
