She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
