We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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