she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
