So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
