So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you win again, gameday.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
