Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I have feelings that need drinking.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
