just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
