you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
