just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
