I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
