My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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