Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
