And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
