Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize