Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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