Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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