I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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