everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
This is classic penis vs brain.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
