I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
