She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
When are your genitals available?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
