there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
