Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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