I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Vodka?
Forever.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
