yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
