I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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