upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
