Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
