I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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