as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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