if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
It's shark week go big or go home
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
