I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
