i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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