Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
