Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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