Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
My liver just had a heart attack.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
