remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
